love first, trust always

I'll warn future readers right now that this is not a happy post. This is a post full of big heart hurt for all the babies. So much hurt.

I started my morning by working on my early childhood education class. A module on health and safety. I didn't expect the 25 minute long video outlining over and over the signs (with graphic simulations) of abuse and neglect. I haven't been able to finish it. I cried hot tears and held my baby and reached out to like-minded, gentle-souled mamas.

There is a reason I don't watch the news. A reason I avoid reading articles that pop up on my Facebook newsfeed. I can't deal. I'm too empathetic. My entire day just folded after that. I tried to shake it off, but all I could picture was a little girl with handprint bruises on her arms. Why did they need to include that? Why?

And what's more, what's ironic and awful and makes me the most sick? It's deemed a 'parenting choice' to hit your child. But only if it doesn't leave a mark. It's deemed a 'parenting choice' to force your child to eat tabasco for 'a dirty mouth'. That's not abuse. That's a parenting choice.

And, we're all doing our best.

What garbage. What absolute shit.

I cannot shake the anger and hurt and pain tonight. For these sweet sweet babies that don't know this isn't okay. And it's not your fault.

I am also the parent who thinks it isn't okay to bribe, isn't okay to manipulate, isn't okay to let a child cry without comforting them. I know I'm so far left. I've recently realized how incredibly far to this side I am.

But how can anyone with a soul think that hitting a child is ever okay? That physically forcing and causing a child pain is okay? I do not think you are a good parent.

And, I'm tired of defending my parenting. I'm tired of downplaying my beliefs or, god fucking forbid, altering them just because someone second guesses me. It's hard, I think, to stand by what is right when everyone is saying we're all doing the best we can and we're all good mothers. I am a good mother. I am an amazing mother. Perfect? Hell no. Never. But I know I am doing it right.

So don't tell me that my son is too attached to me. He loves me, he trusts me. He knows I will always stand by him, hold him, comfort him, pick him up and kiss his tears away.
Don't tell me he'll never be independent or never learn to self soothe. He is exactly who he is supposed to be right this second, and I will never rush his growing up, never push his independence, and who wants to self soothe anyway?
Don't tell me I let him do anything he wants, or that he manipulates anyone. Don't tell me that I need to hurt or force or manipulate or train my son in any way, EVER. 

If you want to tell me this, if you believe this, we probably shouldn't be friends. We absolutely shouldn't be.

I have zero doubt. Love and trust and mutual respect will always win, and will always build better and stronger and the most amazing little humans.