fearless

I have dinner dishes to do, packing to (re)start, endless toys to pick up. Instead, I'm sipping pink champange and writing.

I have been woefully absent for my blog world, and I'm working to remedy the situation. Because I need this space, for me.

My life is still quietly in limbo, but the sunshine is peeking through the grey dim, and I'm seeing so much light headed my way.

My sweet little dream home is getting fixed up, just for me. I like to think that it was built for me, for my little family. The search for The House was so much harder in so many ways than I expected. My goal was not only a home for my family, but also a house from which to run a business - a daycare. That's a tall order on one (so far non-existent) income. I still have huge huge fear about this endeavor, this giant leap of so much faith. But this house, this is home. We had a huge set back in the renting process, and it shook me kind of deeply. It also, ultimately, made me realize how in love I had fallen and how sure I am that this is The House.

I can't sleep at night because I'm busy dreaming up DIY projects and seeing my family grow, watching Eli learn and discover in a real home. This house, this is going to be the stuff of magic and dreams and big love. I know it.

My every moment focus is on moving, packing, money, classes, list list list after list. I'm overwhelmed, and sometimes have to step away and reconnect with Eli. I feel scattered and a little muddled. But it's coming together. Slowly, surely. Sometimes in a swoop. The Universe is wholly providing.

The list of daycare license requirements is long and frustrating and time consuming. Classes, certificates, tests. I have never worked so hard for something before. I have never had a tangible goal like this. It feels good, and odd. And sort of foreign.

And, deep down, I have big big dreams for this blog. Huge.

And, and, and? For the first time in my 24 years, I am not afraid to try.

I swear, this kid is teaching me to be fearless. And bold. And strong.

My life is taking shape. And it looks good.