checkmate

It's little things. And big things. Quiet moments and looks and honesty right along side these heartbreaking days full of so much distance. When asked now how things are, I shrug and I say I try while tears well.

And thus my heart is summed. Try and try and to what avail? Long drive to choke back tears, darkness feels good and I bury my face in sweet baby skin. I tell him mama's heartbroken but it'll be okay. And let it finally really hurt.

Sit here now, even. Big tears and hard words. It's silly somehow and shouldn't hurt so bad but oh it does. Like some final straw in my heart's game. I needed a final move to crown a winner and a loser. But I think I know now we've both lost a little. And I'm done playing.

I want a final showdown. Green to grey and tell me or at least listen. Heart on my sleeve and throw it away. You know me more than you think and I understand more than I'll ever tell.

Why is it that I always see the best, hope the best, believe the best? Someday I want someone to prove me right.