There are obvious moments when I get sad or frustrated or even angry that Eli doesn't have a viable father figure, that I don't have help or even child support. Then I realize I'd have to share him. And then I bury my face in my baby's neck rolls and don't care if I'm broke and tired forever.
My friend said to me right after Eli was born, something along the lines of "I've always thought of him as just yours". I feel that way, too. I look at him and see myself reflected back, along with so much personality that is just Eli. I don't see anyone else there. And I am so glad for that.
We had a little snuggle fest today to drive away the blues we were both feeling, and I told him how he's so meant for me.
I was utterly convinced I was having a girl, so to see when he was layed on my chest that I had a son was not what I was expecting. But I can't say I was shocked. It was just...right. And every once in a while I think about that. He's just, mine. He was meant to be. Just waiting for me. It had nothing to do with timing or his biological father. He chose me. He picked me. We are perfect together. All those things.
I'm so damned blessed.
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