for all the wine and doritos

So this feels super awkward to write, even know it's been on my mind forever and I've probably written a few different incarnations.

I haven't had a best friend through my whole life. It just hasn't worked out that way. Who was a best friend when I was a kid, didn't translate into my teen years, and then again didn't into my adult years. That's fine, and probably normal. But hard, sometimes. I lost of a lot of friends a few years ago, through no fault of anyone's. But it was hard not having someone in my life that just knew it all.

And then, there was this girl I met. This awkward redhead who I didn't like. Who annoyed me. (Bare with me).

I met her in the middle of a crazy stressful day and a weird time in my life. I don't exactly remember the first time we intentionally hung out outside of work. I just remember late nights of wine and shared experiences and talking about anything. I remember a camping trip after which I thought I'd kill her.

I also remember telling her the biggest hardest secret. She was the one who lifted me and held me up through what, at the time, was the hardest thing I'd felt. She supported me even when I was a crappy friend and making awful decisions. I knew she was a true friend.

And then, I texted her from the bathroom floor that I was pregnant. And she came over with chocolate chip pumpkin bread and layed in bed and held me while I cried. And told me she would be the papa. (Seriously, I'm cracking up over that now!)

This girl was the one, is the ONLY PERSON who knows everything of the last 2 years of my life. The one who I sent copies of messages to, in stunned silence. The one who listened to me swoon and complain and cry over the same dumb guy for the past 2 years, and then again over another one and another one. The one who babysits for first dates and then tells me how I could do so much better. The one who brings me wine and lets me cry. Who made me go big with my poetry, and who inspired me, and who I wrote a damn poem about.

And who loves this kid so much. His bond with her is big. She might not know it, but I see it. I tell him Auntie is coming over and he WAITS for her, frantic. He knows she's family.

I wanted to write this, because in the midst of a lot of lost friendships, in a sea of garbage relationships and lost ideals and deep sadness, she was and is there for me. And for my son. She's the kind of friend who I can tell the damn truth to, and who I know will never sugar coat for me. Who will be there even if we're on each other's last nerve.

And I taught her how to chop tomatoes.

I love you, Jenna.